Palcatraz: The Prison That is The Friend zone

It has been exactly one year, one month and eleven days since I wrote my last post. The reason why I stopped? Well that's for me to know and you never to find out. During this sabbatical a lot has happened, things have changed. This will however not be the focus of my first post back so I'll dwell on something else... Palcatraz.

For those who have watched the series Alcatraz might be getting the gist of what I'm driving at. For the rest, Alcatraz was about some prison where the prisoners and prison guards disappeared. Now palcatraz refers to the prison that is the friend zone. Many of us have fallen into this prison pretty much without committing any crime, but this always tends to communicate something deeper.

In the recent past i have been palcatrazed a bit too often and it became a bit too much I had to ask why. The answer... "You are a good listener" WTF!!! I thought being a good listener would add to the bonga points. Clearly not. This got me to thinking of some of the things we guys do and end up in Palcatraz.

1.      Getting too comfortable

This is a deal killer. Every lady wants a guy they can cosy up to and not be worried that he might pull a smooth one on her. DON’T be that guy! If your first intention was to get the girl, focus on just that. Don’t be the one she gets class or work info from, don’t be the guy who reminds her of important appointments she has a reminder and don’t save her a seat. All these actions spell out ‘he’s the guy who’s got my back.’ We both know it’s not her back you’re interested in.

2.      Being a good listener

From personal experience, this gets you into palcatraz faster than Hudda’s BBA eviction. Ladies like to have someone listening to their problems and siding with their opinion. Sadly, they don’t want this guy being their boyfriend, FWB, clande etc. In simple terms, their listening partner has little chances of being their nyege-mate. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to listen but best to just hear and leave it at that.

3.      Being the adviser

Guys don’t offer your advice to your potential catch especially as concerns another guy or previous relationships, she has girlfriends for that, unless you want to join clique. The girl will always run to you for advice but will fail to even notice you, so feel free to act all Solomon and share your wisdom at your own peril.

4.      Allowing her to change in front of you

Guys, if she’s taking off her clothes in front of you it had better be because she’s about to ride you like a bull. Otherwise, don’t be just a spectator with some comments like, “wow, nice bumper” then just sit your ass there. Go ahead and pull up to that bumper!!!

If these four don’t land you in the friend zone then maybe you are just another nigger she would rather die than have your boneless boner bone her. (See what I did there?). On a lighter note, it’s also good for you to have a girl who’s just a friend. If she’s good she could actually help you score.

I have however always wondered if ladies ever get friend zoned. If there is a guy out there who has a girl in palcatraz please stand up. And as you do, we already know it’s either because you are having a malfunction or she looks like you.

My view opinion of the friend zone: It's B.S!